Wait, Madam! There is comedy in your purse

Spread the word! Rich wears women's underwear (No, not THAT word!) What I meant was, spread the word that this BLOG makes polio string cheese come out all of your orafices. And if it doesn't, lie to your friends and say it does. Rich is tired of sucking scrotum to get ahead, and he wants a real job, one that pays. So come on in! I have Hot Pockets in the fridge

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I have seen the future, and it is ruled by Crossfire

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I have peered into the future and found that in it, we are confined to sit on the sidelines of the universe's ultimate Crossfire battle between God and the devil. It is most certainly a scary chapter in the timeline of history, especially when you find out that God really ISN'T George Burns from the movie "Oh, God" and its sequel, "Oh, God 2," but rather a woman named Beth. She is a truck driver, and she is good. Her opponent, the devil, likewise, is not some fork tailed, red emblazoned, goatee sporting demon, but rather an issue of Highlights Magazine that has never been opened. Rumors are speculated that in it, Goofus actually does a good deed and Gallant does the opposite. Everything is backwards in it, and we are all afraid to read it, as it is most evil. The worst part about the future, though, is that the match lasts all eternity since God says She won't allow the devil to let her win so easily, as She constantly gets the shiny ball past him since all he does is sit there on his stool and lets his pages be turned slightly by the wind. And our job, as the Lord's people, is to stand in the background and build up a crescendo of the word "Crossfire"in deep baritone voices as seen in the commercial until God scores a point, in which we all say in one uniformally excited scream, "Croooossssssfffffiiiiyyyyaaaa!" And since I've lived in the future for so long, I have come back with this to say. Sartre was wrong. Hell is not other people, but, rather Hell is Crossfire. That is all.

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