Women got the Vagina Monologues, and I think men deserve something exactly the same or something very similar about their penises

The Vagina Monologues is an interesting play. I remember seeing a reproduction of it at my school and being asked what my vagina smelled like, and I just sat there and marveled at the audacious question. “Wow,” I said, “wow.”

Some women, mostly the loud ones, shouted out stuff like “Heaven,” or, “Him” pointing to the bewildered sap sitting right next to her with his head down. I shouted out “Snozzberries!” in a very womanly (or what I thought was womanly) voice and thought that it would go over quite nicely.

Needless to say, it didn’t, and the women of the Vagina Monologues didn’t think this was appropriate because one of them dropped the f bomb out of character in my direction. The other actresses chastised her for that little scene, and I ended up looking like Prince Valiant (with the haircut and everything). I smiled back at her while she scowled at me and I put my hand beneath my chin and twiddled my fingers like The Little Rascals. I felt like a superstar that evening.

So anyway, I think men should have a play about THEIR private parts, and I’ve already thought of a title for it: The Scrotum Soliloquies.

Each segment can be a different pun on the word penis.

Like one of them can feature an Asian guy wearing a Red Lobsters bib. I would call it: Wang’s Lament.

Another one could be Dick’s Dilemma, and so forth and so on.

I’m already taking reservations.