Facebook has lost its hold on me, and I’m now licking stamps and sticking markers up my nose to get high at a Kindergarten level.

Facebook sucks. It just doesn’t grip me anymore like it used to. It used to be, I could come home from a hard day at the sulfur mine, kick off my shoes, wipe off my cheeks, and just sit in front of the computer screen for hours and poke random strangers and befriend Asian women for all the wrong reasons (What? I was trying to figure out how they get their hair that jet black color! What were you thinking? Perv).

But now, it just isn’t the same. The other day, I was on facebook and somebody sent me a, “Hey, Rich, what’s up” message on my wall and I didn’t even cream my pants or write back a message so long that it knocked off all the other messages on their wall and blow up their computer.

It just doesn’t do that for me anymore.

So now, I’ve taken to other ways to blow away my brain cells, like watching The Medium or sniffing glue until my brain goes pop! This is the life of a millionaire, and I’m living it on only -128 dollars in my bank account. You must think I’m a god.