Wait, Madam! There is comedy in your purse

Spread the word! Rich wears women's underwear (No, not THAT word!) What I meant was, spread the word that this BLOG makes polio string cheese come out all of your orafices. And if it doesn't, lie to your friends and say it does. Rich is tired of sucking scrotum to get ahead, and he wants a real job, one that pays. So come on in! I have Hot Pockets in the fridge

Monday, June 26, 2006

If I was given enough Red Bull Energy Drink, I think I could piss fire and scale the empire state building with the cilia in my nose

Red Bull pumps me up, like, mucho a lot. Back in the day, I used to drink Surge and I kept a time table of how much sperm I was supposedly losing per sip, but then I realized that that time table was stupid and it didn’t deserve to exist. So I took it outside and terminated it with extreme prejudice with my Ice Cube CD, put on repeat, ad infinitum. When I got back to it, mid ad infinitum, that time table had a Jheri curl and a bad attitude, and I realized it was then time to put it out of its misery (poor time table).

Anyway, back to my staked claim. Today, Red Bull is the new Surge, and I betchoo, if you gave me enough Red Bull, I could scale the highest mountain shaped skyscraper using only my good looks and nose hairs. Since I’m about as attractive as the warts on Jon Lovitz’s ass (Have you ever seen that guy? “Subway! Eat FraasH!”), I guess my nose hairs are going to have to be my only resource.




Somebody buy me a whole lotta Red Bull already and see if I can actually do it! Yeesh! Whose scrotum do I have to suck around here to actually get noticed and listened to?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I hate stupid idiot books like the Devil Wears Prada and other stupid idiot books like the Da Vinci Code and anything more than four people have ever

Movies featuring this list of the following people shouldn’t be made and are most likely based on shetty, popular books written by jerks, drunks, derelicts, or Al Gore (Who I personally like, by the way). Here is the list as follows of actors and directors who normally star or direct popular, idiotic movies for idiots with the maiden name Idiot McIdiot.

Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks’ Indian Alter Ego, Otm Shank
Meryl Streep
Anne Hathaway
Sir. Ian McKellen (Unless he’s playing Magneto, Gandalf or an underground Nazi)
Sir. Spike Lee
Britney Spears (post penis)
Gore Vidal (Yes, THE Gore Vidal)
Leonardo DiCaprio
Tobey McGuire (Unless he’s playing Spiderman or a backseat passenger scared of Johnny Depp playing Hunter S. Thompson)
Don King
Don Quixote
Don Pepe
Juan Valdez
Arthur Miller
Arthur Pendragon
The Taco Bell dog
Stephan (Urkel after he stepped in the hotness Machine)
Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple

Notice that my list soon turned into a rant of random people with similar names. This proves that Rich Knight is pretty smart because his stream of consciousness meter is way up on the Richter scale of MENSA-ness. And you know who else wrote about stream of consciousness? Faulkner. And look at that guy’s corpse! It’s a worm laden genius! French fries!