Wait, Madam! There is comedy in your purse

Spread the word! Rich wears women's underwear (No, not THAT word!) What I meant was, spread the word that this BLOG makes polio string cheese come out all of your orafices. And if it doesn't, lie to your friends and say it does. Rich is tired of sucking scrotum to get ahead, and he wants a real job, one that pays. So come on in! I have Hot Pockets in the fridge

Thursday, April 19, 2007

If only they came with souls

Mentos is good for chewing, or getting paint on your pinstripe business suit and rolling around like a beached walrus so your entire suit gets paint on it, but what else is it good for? I’d like to know. If they had souls, I’d say keeping them as pets, or making them into robots (Saves the trouble of inputting the C ++ soul program into them). But what else? As it stands right now, all they’re good for are two things, so I don’t see what the big deal is about them.

Now, crack! THERE’s a booger sugar with a personality. Not that I’ve done it or even recommend people do it, but if there’s one thing that represents the 80’s, besides keytars, it’s crack.

And Mr. Belvidere.

But mostly crack.

Stupid good for nothing Mentos. Freshmaker, my clavicle!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Does NO ONE love the “nappy headed hoes” at Rutgers U?

There are words (muffin, puppy dog, tax refund adjustment) and then there are WORDS (nigger, spic, Sanjaya fan). And depending on what you say and how you say it, words can either be your best friend, or your worst prison inmate, it all really depends on who’s saying it, and who you’re saying it to.

Case in point: Don Imus. Let’s be honest, the shock jock radio personality, donning a cowboy hat and a face reminiscent of Hudson from the show Gargoyles, does NOT seem like the kind of person who should be calling women from the Rutgers’ basketball team “nappy headed hoes.” But, if you’ve taken the time to click out of World of Warcraft for a second, you’ll know that the I-Man did just that. And not only that, but he got fired for it, too.

Now, do I think Imus should have been fired? In all truths, no.

But here’s another, more important question. (I’ll get back to the aforementioned one in a second) Was what Imus said hurtful or funny? Honestly, I think it was the latter and have been calling people “nappy headed hoes” nonstop ever since (“Mom, you’re nothing but…nothing but a NAPPY HEADED HO!”), but I suppose it all really depends on how thick skinned you are, and how easily you can brush off a joke.

But let’s back up for a second, shall we? Should Imus have been fired? In my opinion, no, he shouldn’t have, but then again, most people call me the “whitest black person on the planet,” so maybe I don’t really have a say.

I think I do have a say, though, and in turn, I think Imus had a say, too, even though some might have found what he said to be offensive and just plain wrong.

But, if you think about it, isn’t that what shock jocks get paid for? SHOCKING you. They say things with reckless abandon and hope that the censors don’t pull the plug on them while they’re talking mid-sentence. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either. Everybody says racial jokes, right? They’re more American than apple pie and Kurt Cobain, and most people laugh when they hear them, too, don’t they?

I mean, come on, be truthful. How many times have you been in a situation where you saw a white guy thrust their hips totally out of rhythm to some Three 6 Mafia song and said, “Look at that white bwoi go!” If you haven’t, then you’re either A) lying to yourself, or B) lying to me, because you have, and when a black person says it, supposedly it’s acceptable.

But when a WHITE person says something (and one who wears a cowboy hat and listens to country music to boot), he’s a bona fide racist, and, and, and, how DARE he talk about the black community like that?! Let me get Al Sharpton on the phone this instant. HE’LL know what to do about this.

It’s so unbalanced, it is, and blacks, through the years of gangster rap and movies like Boyz n The Hood, have been calling women hoes since the 90’s. And you know very well if somebody like Star or Buckwild made a comment like that on the air, they wouldn’t even have gotten a slap on the hairless wrist.

MAYBE some women MIGHT have called up and said, “Look, you have to watch what you say on the radio,” but I’ll tell you this, The New York Post wouldn’t have run a front page story declaring their ousting from the building immediately. The New York Post, trashy toilet paper that it is, wouldn’t have even had it below the fold. In fact, it wouldn’t have even been in the paper at all.

But Imus, well, that white boy can’t say things like that. He MUST be a racist. I mean, I’ve never even listened to the man before (and I’m not saying I haven’t, because I have, that’s why I think I should be able to voice my opinion on him. I’m just giving an example, you see), but just LOOK at him. That weird shaped hobgoblin face, those Ku Klux Klan eyes (Where’s your hood, honkey?!). No white man should be able to talk about MY race like that, I’m (*bursts into tears*) and so on, and so forth. That’s how the black community has acted about this whole thing—first in a fit of rage, and then with a teary eyed whimper, demanding justice from the network that housed him.

And while yes, I’ve ranted on quite a bit and haven’t really reached a real point, does everybody get where I’m going with this? I mean if Bill Clinton had called them “nappy headed hoes,” jokingly, of course, I don’t think he would have received the shit storm Imus has, and he was once President of the United STATES, for Taco Bell’s sake! Most would probably just see it as a joke, (“Oh, how he kids”), because many blacks respect Clinton and would probably just shrug it off and say, “Well, he’s one of us anyway, right? Remember when he was in office? He did so much for the black community.”

But what do you think? I’ve always been one to point out obvious contradictions with race relations, and think the black community goes overboard sometimes at what they cite as racist. (Michael Richards, yes. Imus, no.)

Leave a response after the beep. If you think I’m wrong, then maybe I am. But I have my say, too, don’t I? Words are MY best friend, after all.